The Roof, The Roof is on Fire!

What a crazy week and a half it has been! I thought the crazy rollover accident I witnessed last Monday morning was going to be the most excitement I would see all week. I guess I didn’t have high expectations since later in the day, our house caught on fire.

It was Monday later afternoon and all of us were home earlier than usual. Jonathan had been sick the weekend prior and the hubby was sick again too. I was able to flex my time since later in the week I had to work late. Since my loved ones were sick, I thought I would take the afternoon off and be home. I had been feeding Jonathan and I got hot. So I turned off the gas fireplace. Then a few minutes later I smelled smoke. I don’t mess around when I smell smoke. So I got up searching for the source. I even went outside to see if I could figure out where it was coming from. When I walked back in, I saw a haze towards our ceiling. I said “the attic!” My hubby got up and looked in our attic. He smelled smoke, but no fire. Our wall behind our fireplace was hot too, so as a precaution, we called the fire department.

The fire department rolled up within a couple of minutes later. They looked around the house and then all of a sudden, they sprinted towards the fire truck. As naive as I was, I didn’t really think anything was the matter. Then I looked up at the house and I saw a flame and lots of smoke! I almost freaked out at this point, but I quickly caught myself as I knew that everything was going to be okay and that I had to be strong for my family. Also, I’m in the business of crisis and our family has been through a lot of crisis, so I guess it was second nature and that I knew it was going to be okay. I was holding Jonathan in my arms real tight as John was working with the firemen.

Of course John had to put that our house was on fire on Facebook, so my phone kept blowing up. I only texted a couple of people to pray, but once the Facebook world heard, tons of phone calls and text messages were coming in. I did my best to get back to everyone at the time, but then again, I was so overwhelmed with what was happening, that I just let the phone calls go to voicemail.

While watching, our neighbors offered help and support. Within 2 hours we got offered 5 different places to stay for the night, a box of diapers, a can of formula and dinner. Some people from our church came by too, which was super helpful to have comfort and my dad just happened to be driving through the area, so he was able to me there too (perfect timing).

After the firemen left, we went inside. I was shocked to see the damage. Our living room, master bathroom and master closet was totally destroyed and we have a giant skylight. Our items didn’t get burned up, but everything was damaged due to water, sheetrock and smoke. I was so thankful that before they started spraying, they took off my pictures that was on the mantel and covered some things so they wouldn’t get as damaged. Also, my wedding dress didn’t get ruined either, which was a blessing because it was in our master closet.  

The last week and a half has been a roller coaster. We found out that the fire was NOT our fault and that the gas fireplace had a malfunction because it was not installed correctly. What is also scary and this is what gives me goosbumps, is that there had been a fire smoldering for about two days prior until it really caught on fire. TWO DAYS!! Just think if we were not home sooner than usual, our situation could have been worse.

Another amazing thing that gives me goosbumps is that tremendous amount of support we have gotten from our community. We have been given gift cards, meals, diapers, clothes, formula, etc., by not only friends, but total strangers. I think we would have had a harder time with this if it wasn’t for the encouragement from people. 

We have been doing well for the most part. There has been a couple of days were I wasn’t fine. Last Saturday was the day I mainly broke down. I don’t really like going to the house anymore. It gives me anxiety, but we had to go every day to check on things. Saturday we walked through and the restoration company had most of our stuff moved from the house. I saw all of these boxes that said “non-restorable.” I was shocked at all of the stuff. It seemed like majority of our things. I think that is when I really lost it as I’m realizing that we have to get new things and that we will never be in that house again (I really liked where we lived). Also, I found out that the smell of smoke gives me anxiety. I smelled a simple fire from a fire pit and I about freaked out.

Tonight we get keys to our new home. We can’t wait to get back to normalcy. We found out the other day we really won’t get any of our belongings back until the beginning of January. Before then, we have to go to the warehouse where are stuff is and look at all the things that are non-restorable and decide the things we are going to leave behind or take. For example, I have a bassinet that I used for Jonathan. Well I know for sure that is non-restorable, but that was used when I was a baby. So I don’t want it to be thrown away, so I have the option to keep it. Even though I am not a materialistic person, I still think this will be hard to look at all of the stuff that we will have to leave behind. Even though it is stuff, it’s still our stuff and it all had a purpose. There were things I saw in boxes that I was surprised that it wouldn’t be restored, so I think I will be surprised when we go.  

After reflecting on this whole thing, we continue to be thankful that we were at home and that we caught it at the beginning. We also have restored faith in people. Just when we were unsure, people have surprised us with love and compassion. We also realize that there is a need for items of those who have suffered a traumatic loss. Though we are aware of the resources available, we realize there needs to be more available, so I am sure we will be giving back when a disaster strikes.

Thank you again for your prayers and support. 

Halloween Baby

Pictures property of Denise Lehr

Working Mom

It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve been back to work. The last three weeks have been miserable, although it’s slightly getting better (kind of). I had no idea that leaving my son with someone everyday was going to be so hard. It is nine hours a day that someone else gets to see his smiles, hear his coo’s, feeds him and give him hugs. I would do anything to still be on maternity leave so I can just spend all day with him and take care of my little boy.

Although being at work gives me a physical break, I still find myself unable to function like I should. Not only am I exhausted, but I notice myself looking at baby pictures throughout the day and daydreaming about my little love muffin.

I feel conflicted at what I am supposed to do with my life. I never really wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to be the woman who can have a successful career and be a successful mom at the same time. I have pictured myself in a pressed business suit wearing heels with perfect hair and makeup and carrying a brief case in one hand and a baby in the other. But let’s face it, I hate wearing suits and heels, I haven’t done my hair and put on makeup for months and I don’t have a brief case.

I worked hard to get my degrees. I went to school to make a difference in people’s lives, which I do. I just got an email from a victim saying how she is glad she met me as she is grieving her husband’s death. But what she doesn’t know, is that I am in tears because my job is hard and it is hard to hear stories about how their loved one has been killed so suddenly to a senseless crime. When 2 out of 3 individuals are impacted by drunk driving, the next victim could be my son or husband. There are some days where these stories don’t put me to tears, but then there are days like today where I can’t stop crying because a family is grieving the loss of their great husband, dad and grandpa all because a woman who was high on cocaine and Xanax ran a stop sign.

A few weeks ago at church, there was a message about being in your place. For whatever reason, God has me as a working mom and helping victims. This helps and puts me at ease, but it still doesn’t make dropping Jonathan off at daycare any easier. The ideal situation would be working from home or working part time in an office and part time at home. That would be amazing, but right now that is not in the cards. Maybe one day my wish can be a reality.

For those working mom’s out there, how do you deal being gone from your kids while at work? 

Fourth Trimester

The last 10.5 weeks of motherhood has flown by. I have 1.5 more weeks to go and I will have survived the “fourth trimester” as they call it in parenting world. ‘They’ were not kidding about how exhausted you are and the amount of worrying you do at 3am and the tears your cry for no apparent reason. The first month for me was the hardest. Well, maybe the first six weeks. I don’t think I’ve been so exhausted in my life until Jonathan came into the world. I also don’t think I’ve worried as much either. Who would have thought I would worry about the amount of spit up he does or the color and the amount of poop in his diaper. One thing I didn’t realize before I had Jonathan was how protective I would become. I have always been protective of my family, but now that Jonathan is here, my mama bear claws are sharper than ever.

 Being a mom is hard. I have only “given” up once and have only got frustrated at Jonathan once, but let’s face it. When your changing your kids diaper in the middle of the night as your half asleep and your trying to button your kids pajamas as he’s screaming and kicking his legs, it’s just a matter of time before you lose it. Speaking of buttons, who was the “genius” who thought of putting a zillion buttons on pajamas? Let’s just stick with zippers, ok.

Another thing that has been weird getting used to was saying I have a son. I took Jonathan to a doctor’s appointment one time and they said “can I help you?” I looked at them and said “I have an appointment for my, uhhhh, ummmm, ummmm son.” They of course looked at me funny, but that’s when it really hit me that I have a son and I’m a mom. Then the room started spinning and I almost passed out, haha.

When I hold my baby and I look at his cute little fingers and toes and realize how vulnerable he is, I think about the other babies who are abandoned or not treated with love. I can’t fathom how a parent would harm their own children or wouldn’t give them love. It totally breaks my heart knowing that those parents are out there and little babies who can’t help themselves are in harm’s way every day. I hope that Jonathan realizes one day how lucky he is to have a mom and dad who loves him very much and that they would do anything for him.

Being a mom (and a wife) is the best thing ever. I love it. I am surprised at how much I love it. I can’t wait to go home from work every day to be with my family. I am blessed and thankful that I get to have the privilege to say I am a mother.

Psalm 127:3-5  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Pictures property of Denise Lehr. 

Christmas in August

On August 14th at 4:44 p.m., I got my Christmas present (better late than never). December 2013, my Christmas wish was to find out that we would have a baby in 2014. Sure enough, our prayers came true and on New Years Eve we found out we were pregnant.

This year has flown by quick as preparing for a little one takes a lot of time and energy. We did baby stuff practically every weekend. It was a lot of work, but it was a lot of fun and the baby has the best room in the house.

In April we found out we were having a boy. We decided to name him Jonathan Christian Lehr. 

My pregnancy wasn't too harsh. I didn't have crazy morning sickness or weird cravings and I didn't become a crazy pregnant lady, well for the most part, haha. Health wise everything was good too, until the last few weeks. My third trimester was HARD!! It was hard walking around for long periods of time, heartburn was out of control, I couldn't sleep well, and I had crazy swelling. I even broke a pair of shoes because my feet swelled so bad. 

It was week 35 when something didn't feel right. I was not feeling good and having weird pain in my belly and I was having a lot of Braxton hicks contractions. I called my doctor and the nurse said it was my body just getting ready for the big day. 

A few days later at my doctors appointment I found out I gained 10lbs since my last appointment and I had high blood pressure. I was diagnosed with mild preeclampsia. I was in shock since just less than two week prior, my doctor said everything looked fine and at that point she wasn't worried about preeclampsia. I thought back to the week prior when I first started feeling ill and realized there really was something going on with my body. Then my doctor said bed rest. WHAT?!? Just like that I went from going to work and doing stuff to not being able to do anything at all. This was hard for me to swallow. Then my doctor started looking at the calendar to see when I would be induced. This is really when I zoned out and I felt like a deer in a headlight. It's a good thing John was with me since I didn't hear anything the doctor said after that.

Being on bed rest was hard at first. Not only did it impact me physically, but emotionally too. My mom was able to fly in and help out while John was at work. It was nice to have her with me. I realized that I really needed to rest and that it was ok to ask for help.

At my week 36 doctors appointment more crazy news came. My blood pressure went down, but I was feeling worse and my vision changed and I kept having headaches. So then my doctor said I had to finish out the remainder of my pregnancy in the hospital. I was devastated. I never spent time in the hospital and hospitals give me anxiety. Plus I just wanted to go home and be comfortable on the couch. But John wouldn't let me go home and he took me next door to the hospital. It was a weird feeling knowing that when I leave the hospital, we would be leaving with a baby. 

Getting checked in seemed like it took forever. I was hoping that the doctor would change her mind and let me go home, but then the nurse wheeled me into my room and said "get comfortable." They hooked me up to these leg cuffs that would "massage" my legs so that I wouldn't develop blood clots. I had to wear them 24/7. They got really annoying, especially when your trying to sleep. I had my blood pressure monitored on a constant bases, and I had to have steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop more stronger since I was only 36 weeks and wasn't official full term yet. Those were not the best. The injection didn't hurt as bad as the aftermath (major stinging) and the steroids made my face and torso red and hot. 

I was thankful that I was able to have a loved one stay in the room with me over night. John stayed with me the first night and my mom stayed the second night. I didn't sleep the first night at all. I was still feeling overwhelmed and wanted to be in my own bed. I was secretly planning my escape, haha. 

On the second day, I got my hopes up on going home. My lab work was good and my blood pressure was staying steady. My doctor said she was waiting for one more test result and if that came back fine, I could go home until the following week when I would be induced. 

I was so excited. I wasn't excited about being induced though. I wasn't comfortable with the thought of bringing my baby into this world when he wasn't ready, but I had to keep in mind that the doctor knows what she is doing and I need to have trust. 

The morning of the day I thought I would be going home, I was just about to get up and take a shower and order breakfast, but just then, my nurse came in and said I had to go to a sonogram. I got to see my sweet baby for the last time in the womb. He looked so big and squished. The tech said he looked good, but the reason for my preeclampsia was that I had really low amniotic fluid and I would be getting induced sooner than expected. Again, I felt like a deer in a headlight. It's a good thing I didn't develop a birth plan because plans kept changing and it was a constant roller coaster of emotions. 

I got back to my room. The nurse said I couldn't eat anything! I was already starving, but I later found out I could have  broth, jello and Popsicles, so at least I could have something. I was hooked up to an IV and wheeled into my new room, which is where I would have the baby. 

Knowing that my baby didn't have much fluid left, I felt better with the idea of being induced. However, being one day before I turned 37 weeks, I wasn't even dilated. This required cervical ripening. This was not fun at all. It was really painful and my body wasn't responding to the medicine. My doctor was starting to talk more about a c-section. This is something I didn't want, but I was prepared to do whatever that needed to be done. 

Fortunately, the last of my cervical ripening procedure ended at midnight. Again, my body wasn't really responding. The nurse said she was going to call the doctor to see if they should prep for a c-section. She then came back and said to continue with more of the ripening until the morning. I had a feeling my doctor didn't want to come in the middle of the night to do a c-section, so I am thankful of the time as I am convinced that if it was any other time of the day, I would have had a different outcome.

At this point I was in pain. It was 3am and hadn't slept, despite the nurse giving me a sleeping pill a couple of hours before. So the nurse gave me some pain medicine. It worked within seconds and I was feeling pretty good and was able to sleep for a couple of hours.

7:30am came and was finally induced. I still hadn't really responded to the medicine, but it was time to get the show on the road. At 9:00 my doctor came in and broke my water. That is when things really started picking up!!!! Within an hour I was dilating nicely and I was asking for an epidural. Why suffer in pain when there is that option and I was going to get one anyway. I am so glad I did. Life was good and was able to have relief. It was weird not being able to feel anything from the waist down. I was thinking, what's the catch? You hear nightmare stories of women screaming in the delivery room, but here I was just hanging out and not feeling anything. The nurse kept telling me I wouldn't feel anything, but I was left puzzled and honestly, I'm still puzzled.

A couple of hours later, my doctor checked in on me. She said within an hour, I was ready to push, however she had to leave on vacation and would have to have another doctor deliver my baby.  I was fine with that, but I got so nervous. We had been waiting 9 months for this moment and it was finally here.

 The nurse started prepping for the delivery. In fact, she had John help. We even started doing some pushing and John helped me with that too. This was an interesting, yet totally bonding moment for us. He saw more than what I was wanting him to see and I think he would agree, but I do think it was neat that he helped out and he did good.

It was really time to push and I think the nurse was getting nervous because the doctor was no where to be seen. Just then, the door flew open and the doctor prepped for delivery. Within 5 minutes, the baby was born. I only pushed for 20 minutes and it wasn't even hard. I remember the doctor saying "push and say hello to your baby." I looked down and he just came right out. They handed him to me and I couldn't believe I was holding my baby boy. He was cutier than I thought he would be and I instantly fell in love. 

Then they cleaned him up, weighed him and did what they do when babies are born. The doctor and nurses took care of me too and my doctor said I could finally eat!! I was starving since I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. 

After about an hour, they wheeled me into my room where I would stay for a couple of days. I was looking forward to some rest, but little did I know, I would get checked on every couple of hours and there is a lot of paperwork to do when you bring a child into this world.

Once again, I didn't get any sleep. In fact, I didn't get any sleep for the next two days while being in the hospital, except when there was "snuggle time" and John made sure that everyone left my room and no one would interrupt me so baby and I could sleep. I slept an hour, but it felt good. 

I was thankful for all of the visitors and the best wishes. We had a lot of support from family and friends. 

I was so thankful for the day we got to go home. I hadn't left the second floor of the hospital for a week and it felt weird to be outside. I even got ill in the car as we were going home. It took me a couple of days for things to stop spinning. 

Since I've been home, I've been learning how to be a mom and trying to figure out our new little boy. It has been hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Baby Jonathan has been growing big everyday and I see how smart he is getting, even at only 4 weeks old. We love him very much and are so blessed to have him in our lives. 

Pictures property of Denise Lehr

Baby Burnout

I think my husband might have re-thought about having baby #2 after what I have been putting him through the last few days…or weeks. 

Week 32 and 33 (the last two weeks) of my pregnancy have most definitely been the hardest so far. I have struggled both mentally and physically and I am counting down the weeks until baby Lehr will be here.

Last week was hard. First, John had to go out of town for a business trip. This was his first trip in a year and a half and I had some anxiety because I hated when he traveled every other week when we first moved to Texas. Thankfully it was just overnight and in all honesty, I was so busy myself that it went by quick. Even though it was just overnight, you have to think differently when your 8.5 months pregnant and home alone. So, the dogs got to sleep with me instead of the laundry room and I set up extra security measures just in case (Home Alone style of course).

I also was having a lot of physical pain. My left side of my neck and shoulder has been kinked. It has been hard to move my neck and there was one time I was seeing flashes of light. I also had pain in my left side of my rib, which started a day or two after my neck pain. It hurt to twist, cough, laugh and to take a deep breath. The pain was so nagging, that it was starting to get to me and wear me down. By Thursday of last week I had enough and scheduled a massage on Friday to get some type of relief. The therapist said it’s just pregnancy related and besides doing stretches and massages, there isn’t anything I can do. Thankfully, that did help a little and even though I still have pain, it hasn’t been as bad.

I have noticed that I have been more tired, more like exhausted in this trimester. It really doesn’t matter if I sleep well, I’m still exhausted. I thought I knew what exhaustion felt like, but no, I didn’t know that there could be a whole different level of exhaustion. This makes going to work hard. I have no motivation and I’m a zombie at work (and everywhere else I go). Thankfully, people understand.

One thing that has been frustrating is that I can’t do things with ease like I could before I got pregnant. Like, sitting on the floor and getting up swiftly or going to multiple stores at a time and not feel like I ran a marathon. I’m starting to miss the good old days of having energy and being able to reach things without planning out a strategy.

Mentally, this all gets to you. I’m afraid I will never return back to “normal.” Which I know is not true, but what happens if my body forgets to deflate or I won’t be able to ever pick up things with ease? 

Also, baby talk is all we (family, friends, etc.) talk about. The last 8 months have been nothing but baby and the world has revolved around prepping for Baby Lehr. Now I’m like, okay, what about me? I have more going on than just having a baby and I feel like relationships have changed because of the baby, and I am not sure if they are for the better.

Also, we all know that kids change the relationship between your husband/wife. I think this is another area where you have no idea how it will change until it happens. This scares me because we already have been through so much, its like, great, what other things must we overcome? Then there is the anxiety of hoping that he isn’t traumatized by what he sees during labor and I'm afraid he will never look at my body the same again. How can droopy boobs, a big belly and stretch marks be attractive? 

What happens if I/we put so much effort on being great parents, we forget about being great spouses. We say that we won’t forget about us and to plan date nights, but we haven’t even had the baby yet and it’s already been about the baby. 

John says I worry to much, but I think it's important to be aware of what could happen instead of being naive. I can think of one thing John said when we were engaged that wouldn't be an issue when we got married and in my opinion it's been a major issue for me. So I'm trying to be aware of issues that could come up instead of being clueless.

I guess having baby burnout is common in the third trimester. I don't feel ashamed because I can't wait to have my sweet boy in my arms and I know it's going to be worth every stretch mark and varicose vein. I guess I would question myself if I didn't have these fears.

I know that God has something special in store and he will guide us through the good and the bad like he always has. We prayed for this baby and he delivered (pardon the pun, haha). I can't even begin to think what challenges that we will face as a family, a couple and individually. I just have to keep putting my faith in God and know that it's going to be ok and as long as God is number one in our lives, things will be ok no matter what the situation may be. 

Third Trimester: The Homestretch

Yesterday I hit my 33’rd week of pregnancy. Every week that I have known I have been pregnant (since week 5), I enjoy checking each week off the calendar. I feel like so far my pregnancy has been pretty easy for the most part. My first trimester complications were feeling super hungry and tired all the time. I didn’t have morning sickness and feel super yucky like some women feel. My second trimester was pretty good too. Again, hungry and tired were my main complaints, followed by heart burn, hip pain at night and swelling in the feet, however, I blame a lot of the heat for my swelling because since it got warm in March, that’s when the swelling began. No, pregnancy hasn’t been easy, but it hasn’t been a horrible experience either.  I consider myself pretty lucky because I know some women haven’t been so lucky.

Well, little did I know about the evils of the third trimester. Now every week I can “check off” is a huge relief! It’s like the day I went from my second to third trimester, my world changed…and it got really uncomfortable. I’ve said this before, but I will say it again, that no pregnancy book will prepare you for pregnancy. It’s kind of like the books sugar coat things. Yes, it will talk about fatigue, contractions, swelling, stretch marks, etc., etc., but you don’t really have a clue until you have experienced pregnancy first hand. The books won’t tell you that you will feel like you just ran a marathon after going to the grocery store or that you might break a shoe because your feet are so swollen. Or, you’re just feeling great and the next minute you’re puking in the toilet (in your third trimester). Or you have to change your underwear at least twice a day because you’re sweating like a pig or because you’re leaking different kinds of fluids. Or you develop weird rashes in weird places, like the armpit. Oh, and pregnancy brain. Can I get anymore brain dead? I feel like the biggest air head of all time. 

The third trimester has been the most challenging for me and I often think, how I am going to get through this, but the one thing I have enjoyed is how the baby moves differently. He really makes my belly move and he responds to me, dad and music. Also, seeing his sweet face a couple of weeks ago on a 3D sonogram helps me imagine what he looks like in there. I now really feel like I have a sweet baby inside instead of a strange unknown thing that’s draining the life out of me.  

I can’t believe in 4-7 weeks I will be holding my sweet baby Jonathan. Since last weekend when we attended our birthing preparedness class, I don’t have much anxiety about the big day. At first when I got to the class, I had nerves, but I left at the end of the day feeling pretty comfortable knowing the process, seeing the labor and delivery rooms and knowing that I will have a good coach (my hubby) by my side assisting me through my breathing helping me with whatever I may need. 

What Not to Say to A Pregnant Woman

Last week, I read a small article about what not to say to a pregnant woman. Naturally, I read it to see if I can relate. Sure enough, I could relate to half of the article. I would have never thought that the smallest things could get so annoying or even offensive. I guess you got to be pregnant in order to completely understand these things that drive us pregnant woman crazy.

One of the most annoying things that really bug me is when someone comments on my size. Yes, I realize I wasn’t the fittest when I got pregnant (I blame my weight gain on marriage, school, work and Texas food), but most of us in general are not in the best shape to begin with, so I don’t know why people have to bring up the weight issue. Anyway, yes, I have noticed towards the end of my second trimester, not only has my belly gotten bigger, but so has my thighs and arms. Yeah, seeing the flab is not thrilling, but what are you gonna do? I can’t do a high intense workout session every night and when your body is constantly changing, it’s hard to keep up. I have come to realize that’s just how it is and honestly, for once I am not ashamed of how I look. How could I be ashamed? I am growing a baby. I love looking at my baby bump and knowing that in almost 2 months I will be holding my baby in my arms. So if I’m okay with my body, why does everyone have to put me down about how I look? I get a lot grabs of my flab, funny jokes about my weight/size and the “don’t worry, you will lose the weight” comments. I wasn’t even worried to begin with. I know it will take time and hard work, but I am not worried. I also know that I will never be how I was…ever. I mean, how could I be? Things are getting stretched to the max and I’m 32 years old and I don’t have the elasticity of a 22 year old. 

The second annoying comment that I am asked is “should I be eating that?” My answer: “probably not, but…” No, I shouldn’t be eating cake, ice cream, candy bars, cheeseburgers, sandwiches and hot dogs. Here’s the thing about pregnancy cravings that only pregnant women who have experienced cravings will understand. When you get a craving in your head, you just have to have it and it has to be exact. I can be craving a chicken quesadilla from a specific restaurant, but if I’m taken to another Mexican restaurant and order a chicken quesadilla, it’s just not the same and the craving has not been met. At the first part of my pregnancy, I would have cravings, but I could go without. Things have changed since I hit my third trimester. Now, it’s not a question as to whether I should have the food, it’s I NEED the food and I will put up a fuss if I don’t get it. I sometimes day dream about the foods I crave too. It doesn’t help that I found out I don’t have gastric diabetes either, so now I feel like I can have the sugary foods too. That is not good I know, but it’s hard not to get the cravings when just a simple commercial about food will put a pregnant women into a food frenzy.

Another annoying comment is “should I be doing that? Again, my answer: “probably not, but…” No, I shouldn’t be lifting and pulling things out to the dumpster at work or moping the floor, but it needs to get done. Which in all honesty, I won’t be doing that again because that almost killed me, but that’s beside the point. But bending over to pick something up that isn’t heavy is something I can do, well kind of, but I get treated like I am disabled and can’t do anything. I still can do stuff, I just got to do it more strategically. There is a perk to this though. Since people know your pregnant and know that we can’t do heavy lifting and such, we get out of doing things. It’s like we can pull the damsel in distress card and get away with it. It’s nice.

Not all comments have been annoying. Some have been a bit humorous too. Like last weekend as I was leaving Walmart, the greeter who was a teen boy smiled and asked if it was a boy or girl. When I said boy, he just smiled and acted like it was the coolest thing. Also, I get a lot more smiles from men of all ages. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have ginormous boobs and they like what they see or they like extra curves, haha.

I am sure there are more comments and funny things to come in the next two months and I wouldn’t be surprised if there isn’t any after the baby is here when I’m drooping and leaking. I don’t care that my body is being transformed. People can say whatever they want, but they will never be in my shoes and understand the joy I have being a pregnant woman and knowing that soon I will be holding a sweet baby boy. 

Third Trimester Countdown

So today I entered my third trimester. I can’t believe I have 3 months to go until I give birth, yikes. Knowing that babies come when they want and a baby is considered full term at 37 weeks, I’m figuring I should have everything ready to go at the beginning of August just in case baby Jonathan wants to come at 37 weeks, which would be mid-August. So really, I have about 2 months to get everything done. We still have a lot to do!! We are still working on the nursery and up keep around the house. It seems that every weekend we are busting our hump with something at home, like the lawn, cleaning and organizing and painting.

Last week we were able to buy a few things for the nursery, like a crib and a bed set. My owl nursery is coming together and it’s starting to become official. The colors of the nursery is light yellow, brown, blue, green and gray. Now I can focus on decorating and making the room cute and cozy. We are still in need of some items, so if you want to check out our registry, that would be great. We are registered at Target http://www.target.com/c/baby-registry/-/N-564tn  and Walmart http://www.walmart.com/babyregistry

I am amazed at all of the baby gear that is out there. I literally got sick and had to leave when I went to Babies R Us one time because I was so overwhelmed with everything they had. There have been times where I've had to stop and think, what did our parents do? In the 80’s there wasn't a zillion types of bottles, car seat and stroller choices. Then there is a list of recalls and items that was considered safe, but now dangerous to babies.  It’s way too much to take in and we have had to think realistically what would be best for us in the long run.

Not only am I trying take care of the baby and get things he will need, but I also have to think about what I will need postpartum as well. I mean, this is my first time having a baby and I don’t know what to expect, but I know it’s not going to be pretty. I don’t want to wind up finding myself without the necessities that I know I am going to need to be able to recover from delivery. What necessities did you find helpful when you were recovering from labor/delivery?On top of that, I have to develop a birth plan, which I think will be easier once we take our birthing class next month and we get to check out the maternity ward and learn about whatever we need to know about labor and delivery. Then I have to get all of the paperwork for the hospital finalized and well as finding a pediatrician before I go into labor. So many things to do just to have a baby!

This experience sure has been a learning one for sure, but also exciting. It doesn't seem like I am 7 months along. This year has flown by really quickly and I know the next 3 months will be here before I know it. Then we can think about baby #2! HA HA HA. 

Third Trimester Fun

This week has been killer. I don’t really know how I made it to Friday. It was the shortest, yet longest work week ever. The hubby and I have felt sick and run down all week. I guess our weekend trip to Oregon really took it out of us.

Besides feeling sick with a cold, this week has been hard…harder than last week. As of Thursday, I am 26 weeks. It’s like on Wednesday night as I was sleeping, my body got more possessed and I woke up on Thursday with a new set of pregnancy issues. In the last couple of days, I’ve experienced some really hard baby kicks that have put me in tears, tender ribs, my back hurting because my belly is heavy and today I have carpal tunnel in my right hand.  Oh, and let’s not forget the burning hot lava in my esophagus. I’ve been having heart burn for a while, but I didn’t realize it could get worse. One weird thing that happened the other day was when I was sitting, I was feeling the side of my belly. All of a sudden, I felt a body part, like a foot or something…and it moved. Eww. I’m just beginning my third trimester and I get it when they say the second trimester is the easiest. I’m starting to have a lot of anxiety about my body. If I’m already this uncomfortable now, how will I feel next week or a month from now…and 3 months from now? Help.

Other than the rapid body changes, things are still doing well. Like I mentioned, we went to Oregon last weekend because my sister hosted my baby shower. I felt so honored to have her organize it and she put so much effort into it. Not a lot of people came, since it was Memorial Day weekend, but in a way, I’m glad I didn’t have a big group because I don’t do well with big groups. However I do wish more family could have come, but when you have family all over the country, it’s hard. We got some really cute stuff and I can’t wait until the stuff we got arrive from Oregon.

While I was busy with the baby shower, my hubby went fly fishing with his BFF. I’m still amazed at how the guys swindled their way to having a 2 day fishing trip when the original plan was a 1 day fishing trip. Oh and not to mention the wives were pretty much ignored the whole weekend too, but I’m going to let it slide since my hubby doesn’t get to hang out with a good friend or go fishing that often. Plus when you have been married for 8 years, stuff like that doesn’t get to you as much. Though no matter how long you have been married, you hope your hubby is just as excited about you as he is about fly fishing and hanging out with his BFF. When you’re pregnant, stuff like that can get to you.

In 3 weeks we will be going on our last out of state trip for the year. We are going to Las Vegas for a wedding. Can you just imagine? Me at 8 months pregnant in the hot desert? Should be a blast. After we get back from Vegas, it will really be crunch time until the baby comes. We will be taking a child birthing class and finishing up the last few things that need to be done around the house before our lives change forever. I’m starting to panic knowing that 3 months is going to fly by, but knowing I/we have a lot of support helps. 

I'm Pregnant and I Can't Get Up

As of yesterday, I am 24 weeks pregnant. I’m inching closer and closer to my third trimester. I can’t believe I am almost there. So far my pregnancy has been okay. Yes, it’s had its ups and downs, but I would say that overall, it’s been good. Just being tired all the time has been my major complaint.

Besides seeing the baby on the sonograms, my favorite part so far is actually feeling the baby kick for the first time at 21 weeks. On Mother’s Day, I noticed that I can actually see the baby kick and John felt the baby kick for the first time. It’s fun sitting at home with my shirt up watching my tummy move, but of course every time I tell John to feel my stomach so he can feel the baby kick too, baby Lehr stops kicking (what a tease).Even though my pregnancy has been okay, I’m starting to notice that being pregnancy is becoming harder and harder. For example, it’s extremely hard to get on your hands and knees to retrieve a remote control from under the reclining couch. It’s hard to bend over and pick something up. It’s hard to get up off the couch and even out of bed. I can forget about painting my toenails by myself for a while and shaving my legs is hard too (and its summer weather here).

 Last Friday night while I was sleeping I woke up to a cough and all of a sudden I puked all over myself. It was a lot too. Thankfully my hubby didn't mind changing the sheets and pillows while I took a shower in the middle of the night to clean myself off. I was actually kind of embarrassed by this, but what can I do? Nothing.It seems that every time I look in the mirror, something has developed that it didn't before. My belly button is stretched, I have weird discoloration of skin, cellulite, bigger thighs, swollen feet, cracked heals, dry skin, and stretch marks…the list goes on and on. I can’t keep up with my high maintenance body and in a way, I really don’t mind it at all. Of course this thinking came after I had my meltdown the other night. The look on my husband’s face when I went from angry to crying hysterically was priceless.

I've come to the conclusion that you can read all the baby books you want, but it will never prepare you for what pregnancy does to your mind and body. I am nervous about my third trimester since I've heard not good things about the last couple of months of pregnancy, and of course eventually the baby has got to come out, but I think the main thing (at this point) is keeping positive and remembering that you’re growing a sweet little baby inside and it is going to be worth it in the end. 

Journey

So I am taking a break about writing about pregnancy and babies, because let’s face it, there is more to my life than building and preparing for a little one. Besides experiencing pregnancy this year, I've also been busting my hump at my new job. I am a Victim Services Specialist at Mother’s Against Drunk Driving in Fort Worth. Apparently 400 applicants applied and they picked me. It’s a compliment, but it adds a little pressure too. With having a Master’s degree and working for one of the top Non-profits in the country, it puts you on another level and it has been hard in my opinion to hold up to the expectations and standards that are expected of me, especially when you’re pregnant and you feel blah all the time.

This isn't my first time working with victims of crime. Of course the whole reason why I changed my major from journalism to criminal justice was because I was effected by crime eleven years ago. The way I was treated in the criminal justice system made me so mad, that it made me change my major and help victims of crime. I became a crime victim advocate and been focusing on crime victims since 2003. My focus in grad school was on restorative justice and crime victims and did my thesis project on how victims of crime should have more of a voice, and more opportunities to heal from the crimes they have been effected by. My work is slowly getting recognized as my project will be a main focus on the Oregon Restorative Justice Coalition website.

Meeting victims and hearing stories about those effected by drunk driving is harder than I thought. You really have to watch how you process these stories and it can really effect you and how you view the world. You hear, read or see disturbing things that can really mess up your mind. That is why it’s important to make sure you have a strong support system outside of work. Thankfully I do and since I've been involved in this type of work, I know what works for me and doesn't work.

Even though I am technically doing what I went to school for, I still feel a void and feel like I should be doing more. I am really missing the area of restorative justice and it’s hard not to be able to bring up restorative justice to victims when an organization you work for doesn't approve this form of justice or healing for victims. I know I am where I am supposed to be…for now, but I know there is more out there for me. I have been encouraged lately by simple posts made on my online teaching site I had to create for a class last year. It made me think about other opportunities that I could check into, but still focus on restorative justice and helping victims.

Although, it is annoying not being content with where I am, I know that I am not done growing with my journey. It will be exciting to see where I end up and the impact I make on people. I think most people feel this way as they grow, so I know most of you know how I feel. I think it is important to strive for your full potential instead of being in the same position for years and years and cutting yourself short. 

'Aint Nobody Got Time For That!

On the radio on Monday mornings, they have a segment called “Aint nobody got time for that,” where people call in and vent about things that happened or bothering that person. Usually I turn the station because all I want to listen to is music on my slow commute towards work. However, the last few weeks, I have had a few ‘Aint nobody got time for that situations and mix that with 

pregnancy hormones, you have a heated hot mama on your hands.

The last few weeks I have been extremely annoyed. Some certain situations have happened where I've kinda got thrown into the situation. That happens when you’re married and you gotta roll with the punches and support your spouse no matter what, even if it’s losing out on friends and fun. Other situations that have caused my blood to boil is all because I’m pregnant. So far, most people are happy to hear that I’m pregnant. I know some people have issues with me because I am pregnant and they are just jealous because they want to be pregnant too, but I've been there and I know how they feel, so I’m gonna cut them a little slack. Then there are those people who were not so thrilled to hear that I’m expecting. Like those in a professional capacity. That didn’t go as well as I thought, but oh well, can’t really do anything about it now.

Then there are those people that are borderline certified crazy. These are the people that really make me appreciate living half way across the country. If I ever write a book about pregnancy, there is going to be a chapter about crazy family members. I am not sure if all of the craziness is because people are excited or people trying to ruin relationships. I don’t know, but people need to back off and calm down. I've already had my gender reveal ruined because people were not being respectful, and the next event is my baby shower that my sister so sweetly offered to put on for me. Yeah, most people have their baby shower closer to home and closer to the due date, but May is the only time we could fly to Oregon since we have other travel plans in June and I can’t fly after July. Of course I have friends and family all over the state (and surrounding states), so having the shower in Central Oregon seemed logical, especially since my hubby is going to be fishing with his BFF in Central Oregon. Plus in all reality, it’s MY baby shower and I can do whatever I want.

After the baby shower, comes the actual labor and delivery.  I've had so many people ask me about my birth plan and who’s going to be in the delivery room and how do I plan to take care of myself after the baby is born. It’s like hold on people, chill. First of all, I can’t even take a real maternity leave because I haven’t been with my company a year, so I can only take 6 weeks, which starts the day the baby makes his entry into the world. Which means I will be working until I go to the hospital. Its lame because I wanted to take a week off before the baby came just to be by myself and have “me” time, but it never works out that easy.

In regard to who’s going to be at the hospital, that’s easy….the only people who’s going to be at the hospital is myself, my hubby and medical staff. Sure, there can be visitors after the baby is born once the doctors say it is okay to have visitors and when we feel like we are ready to have visitors. You never know, I might have scared my husband during delivery/labor, he might have to go to an emergency crisis counseling session or I may have to have an unexpected C-section and might be drugged up so much that I wouldn't feel like seeing people for a while. And when we go home from the hospital, I want to come home to an empty house and be able to bond with the new little one for a few hours before more visitors come (good thing for hotels down the street). The last thing I want is the extra stress of crazy people when I’m trying to recover and experiencing motherhood for the very first time.

At first, I thought my ideas about what I want during this time was unrealistic, but after reading several articles about other mothers experiences, I am NOT being unrealistic about what I want during my hospital stay and going home from the hospital and my recovery process. The most important thing to me is my husband, my new baby and me. Our marriage started out in crisis mode, so I really don’t want this next chapter in our lives to start out that way too. I think it is a simple request that should be respected by anyone; friends, family and co-workers that are eager to share this experience with us. We are happy that people want to share the joy with us, but those who don’t want to be respectful and throw a fit because they can’t have it their way…’Aint nobody got time for that!!! 

Its a Boy!

It’s a boy! As of April 9^th, we have a healthy baby boy on the way. He is 10 inches long, weighs 12 oz., and has a strong heartbeat of 160 bpm. During the sonogram, he was very active. He did a lot of twists and turns and put on a show for us. Even the technician commented on how active he was. It was so cool getting to see him and we got to watch longer this time than the first time we had a sonogram. It will be interesting to see how much he grows in a month when we go back in for another sonogram. I haven’t been able to feel him kick yet, but when I mentioned that at the doctors appointment, I was told that I have an anterior placenta, meaning baby Lehr is tucked in nice and tight and it is going to take big kicks for me to feel it at this point, but I should feel him in the next couple of weeks.

We were going to keep the gender a secret until the baby shower in May. I had this fun idea to reveal the gender during a game I had planned. The idea of keeping the gender a secret wasn't a secret either because we had mentioned that we were going to reveal the gender at the baby shower, but some people got over the top crazy and disrespectful of our wishes, so we felt obligated to tell the world so people could get off our backs. Maybe if we have a baby #2 we can have a gender reveal party for that one.

We have decided to name him Johnathan Christian Lehr. I think it has a good ring to it. It has been fun to predict what he is going to be like. We both think he will be an athlete and a musician. I can’t wait to see what he will like and not like and the characteristic traits he picks up from us.

I have been feeling better than the first trimester, but the second trimester comes with its own challenges. I have had more headaches and more hip pain. Sleeping is a challenge because my hips, especially my right one hurts so bad. I have a pinch nerve of my right outer thigh as well, so my leg is numb most of the time, especially when my hip hurts. The last couple of weeks it has been hard to move around because of my growing belly. Last night I struggled to clip and paint my toenails and last week my husband has to help me buckle my sandal because I couldn't do it. As of last week, I have been getting swelling in my hands and feet. That started sooner than I expected, so I will keep my eye on that to make sure it doesn't turn into preclampsia.

On Thursday I will be 20 weeks, half way through my pregnancy. I think the second half will go quick because we have a lot of stuff going on between now and September 4^th. I am looking forward to the day my husband and I bring baby Lehr home and spend the first few days bonding just the three of us.

It's a...baby!

The day finally came. My first doctor’s appointment. I have never been so excited for a doctor’s appointment in my life, especially when I knew I was going to get poked and prodded, but what I really couldn't wait to see what the baby and hear the baby’s heartbeat. It was like a matter or truth because up until last Friday, I had no visual proof that there was a baby growing inside me. Sure, I can’t fit into my clothes anymore and I have been acting like a crazy lady the last couple of months, but it’s not like it’s the first time I haven’t been able to fit into my clothes and I have been known to act a little crazy time to time.

I laid down on the table and the tech got the goo and put it on my tummy. The next thing I knew, I saw a little baby on the screen. She showed us the ears, legs, arms and of course the body and head. I don’t know how she could tell most of those things, because the only thing I could make out was the head. We saw it wave its arm and it was wiggling all over the place because one minute it would be facing us and the next it wouldn't. She then showed us the heart and let us hear the heartbeat. It was beating at 160 bpm, which is good. She said the baby and its environment looks great and healthy. This is what I needed to see and hear. There really is a baby in there. I immediately felt an instant bond between the baby and I now have another love of my life.

The second part of the appointment wasn't that exciting. I met my doctor, which she looked like she is my age. Can that even be possible? I guess I am not as young as I used to be and that people my age can really be doctors, yikes. She seemed really nice and she answered all of my questions. She confirmed that I was 14 weeks and that my due date isSeptember 4^th, which we already knew, but it’s good to have a second opinion.

She also performed a women’s exam. My husband was traumatized by this as he had no clue what kind of devise doctors use for this particular exam. If he thought that was bad, just think about when I am in labor and delivery. It’s a good thing we have six months to prep him on this and it looks like going to some classes will do us some good since I will need all of his support and the last thing I need is for him to freak out.

After the exam, I got my blood taken. It was a lot and of course my veins didn't want to work properly, so I had to get poked twice. I haven’t gotten the blood results yet, but I hope they come back healthy and there is no problems, like anemia or something like that.

My next big appointment is on April 9^th. We get to find out the gender of the baby, unless it decides not to reveal itself, but I have faith it will. We decided to keep the gender a secret until the baby shower. It will be hard to keep it a secret, but it’s going to be fun and I will get to experience at least one thing regarding the baby in person rather than the phone or internet.

I left the doctor’s office with a bag of goodies. It was mostly free samples of prenatal vitamins, brochures, magazines and coupons. I realize that I have a lot of work to do before the baby comes. Like next month I have to fill out the paperwork for the hospital and sometime in the next couple of months I have to find a pediatrician before I deliver the baby.  I am sure that there will be other things that come up that I am unaware of, but still, it takes a lot to bring a child into this world.

Meanwhile, I try my best to keep this baby as healthy as I can. It’s hard sometimes, but I know in the end it will be worth it. 

Below is baby Lehr. The bottom picture is the heart with the heartbeat.

Pregnancy: My First Trimester

I have something that Six Flags doesn't have... the pregnancy hormone roller coaster. It is probably one of the scariest roller coasters of all time, haha. Tomorrow I will be 12 weeks pregnant. What a journey it has been so far. I had no idea that pregnancy was going to be so hard and how it really takes a toll on you physically and emotionally in the first trimester.

I have been taking pictures of my belly since I was 7 weeks. I am already starting to look huge. My clothes don't really fit and I have had to buy some maternity clothes, especially for work. I love reading how the baby develops each week and how big it is getting. I am always tired....like I haven't slept for a week tired and I have no energy. I am always hungry and that is usually when I feel sick to my stomach. Luckily, I haven't had the crazy morning sickness that I hear a lot of women have.

I don't think I have had any crazy food cravings. Mexican food was my favorite food until I got pregnant. Just thinking of the smell and taste makes me want to barf. Also, coffee doesn't appeal to me either. I am not supposed to have caffeine, so it is probably a good thing that it doesn't sound good. Up until the last couple of days, sweets didn't sound good either. When I do have sweets, I have to eat a very small amount or I feel sick. The food that always sounds good is pizza and Chinese and I can't get enough ice water.

Emotionally, I worry about everything...and I mean everything that is or could be going wrong with the baby. I haven't been to the doctor yet, so I have no update on what is going on inside since I got the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor at 6 weeks. My moods were pretty good until I hit 9 weeks. Then I became really moody, grumpy and snappy. I get really irritable and it is hard to calm down. It's worse than PMS, so I often feel overwhelmed with my moods and don't know how to handle it. I also start to get discouraged at how my clothes don't fit. I have to remind myself that I'm pregnant and I'm not getting fat because I'm eating to much, I'm getting fat because there is a baby inside. I also feel like I am not attractive to my husband because I am packing on a belly. When I asked my husband if he thought I was still attractive, he laughed and said the book he is reading said that I would eventually ask that. Of course he said I was attractive in his eyes, but of course he is going to say that to his wife, or he would be in the dog house. :)

I also don't really like talking about the baby. I mentioned this in my last blog, but I guess I still feel the same way. I would rather be a little more private about it. I haven't really told many people, but my husband has told a lot of people. Oh well I guess.

My first appointment is on March 3rd. Finding a doctor was really hard. I wanted to deliver at the hospital that is only ten minutes away from our house, but since that hospital is new, a lot of OB-GYN's don't deliver there and those that do, don't take my insurance. So I am having to settle with a clinic/hospital that is farther from my house in Grapevine..which on a good traffic day only takes about 30 minutes. So not too bad I guess.

I am excited and nervous about the appointment. I will get to hear the heartbeat and see it on the sonogram. Who knows, we might see two babies. Yeah...there is some thoughts (and maybe a bet or two) going around that I am pregnant with twins. This scares me a little, but then again, I did blog about twins last year. Although all the dreams I have had lately has only had one baby. So we will see what happens.

I think with this first appointment is when it will all click and really hit me that I am having a baby. I can't wait until I get to start buying things for the baby. At this point we are holding off until I am more farther along and when we know if it is a boy or a girl. So around May we will starting doing baby registries and all of that good stuff.

Two more weeks and I will be in my second trimester. I am looking forward to it as I am told that it is the easiest out of the three trimesters. I wouldn't mind having more energy and not feeling so tired. I got a lot of stuff to do before September, so I need all of the energy I can get.

7 Weeks

8 Weeks

9 Weeks

10 Weeks

11 Weeks

We're Pregnant

For the last couple of years my husband and I have talked about starting a family. After all, we have almost been married for 8 years and society expects couples that have been married for at least a year to have kids. In my experience, society thinks your weird if you have been married for a long period of time and you don't have kids and the looks and comments that are given back to you when you say your waiting are really annoying to say the least. But, I don't have to worry about that now because as of New Years Eve, I found out I'm pregnant (OMGosh, everyone freak out)...

So like I said, my hubby and I have been talking about starting a family since we moved to Texas. I have been reading books about ovulation, charting your body temperature, and how to get pregnant, which in high school health classes, it seemed really easy, but in reality, it's not. So I feel like I was pretty knowledgeable on how to get knocked up, which by the way, Naturally Knocked Up by Donielle Baker is a really good book. The only thing was stopping us from getting pregnant was our vacation in December 2013. You can't travel on a cruise ship when your in your third trimester and you can't bring a baby on board, so we had to wait a while until I was in the clear.

December came and we thought we would try and see what happens. We prayed about it, so I wasn't going to get too worked up if I didn't get pregnant because I know God has a plan. About a week after, I felt a little out of sync, of course I had wondered, but it was way to early to tell. It wasn't until the cruise is when I was starting to suspect that maybe I was. I was really tired, moody, and just not feeling the best. I figured it was because we were busy doing a lot of activities on the cruise and at ports that it made me tired and hungry all the time.

When I came back from the cruise, I still didn't feel very good and I was late. I put off buying a pregnancy test because those are not cheap, but on New Years Eve I decided to go get one and though that it would be a cool way to enter the new year if I was pregnant. Well, the test instantly turned positive. I mumbled "what the heck" to myself and I looked at it for a while. I read the instructions over and over to see if I was really reading the test correctly. I called my hubby into the bathroom and told him to look at it and see what it says. In a calm voice, he said "its positive" and then he said "cool." What?!?! It sounded like he had his act together. I on the other hand was literally scratching my head and in shock. So, I took another test about thirty minutes later. Again, positive. By this time, my husband had already blabbed the news. The next day I took another test, again it was positive and a few days after that, I took another test. 4 tests both were positive. So I guess I really was pregnant, even though I still didn't believe it.

On January 6th, we decided to go to a doctor to get it confirmed. I was overwhelmed at the clinic. I guess it was because I was nervous or excited, but either way, I couldn't get it together. I had some blood tests done to see how far along I was and to see if things were good. Turns out at that time I was 6 weeks pregnant and the blood work came back fine.

I am now 8.5 weeks pregnant. It has been hard so far. The first week of January I was always crashing because I had low blood sugar. I had to eat like every hour and even though I ate, I still felt hungry. Luckily I seemed to get that under control within a week, even though I have to eat all the time, but at least I do not get sick to my stomach as much as I was getting. I also got this massive migraine, which was not fun either. Last week I struggled with fatigue. Like going to bed at 6:00 p.m. was ideal, especially when I don't sleep well at night. For the last month I wake up at least 2 times because of crazy dreams and/or I have to use the restroom. There are many times I can't get back to sleep, so I am running on like 4-5 hours of sleep. I'm also constantly thirty and I have been craving soup and Papa Murphy's. I haven't had caffeine since January 1st. That is crazy to me since I love coffee and used to drink it every day, but the thought of coffee makes me want to puke. That is sad because on our cruise, we bought coffee from Belize, Costa Maya and Honduras and I can't even try it. Well, technically I can. I can have 200 mg of coffee a day, but I am trying to be good and healthy. Finding something to wear has been a struggle too. Things are already getting snug, so I only have like 2 outfits that "fit," plus my pajamas and sweats.

I also notice that people get on my nerves, especially when it comes to the baby. Like I literally found out that I'm pregnant and people are asking me all of these questions and want to know who's going to be at the hospital when I'm in labor and who is going to come visit me, etc. Hold on people, calm down! These are all question that should be asked in the third trimester or something. Also, people who normally don't talk to me all of a sudden want to be in my life and of course give me their "advice."Maybe it's because I am not ready to talk about the baby. Yes, I am aware that I am pregnant, but at this point, anything can happen and I don't want to make all of these plans and then find out I lost the baby or something. I can thank my girlfriends for this because everyone I know has had a miscarriage, so I fear that it will happen to me too. I never used to have this fear until lately when I have met many women who have gone through this.

Also, I think I will get more excited when I see the doctor for the first time and hear the heart beat and see the sonogram. Unfortunately, I have to wait until March to see the doctor because with all of the job changes, I don't have insurance. Yes, I can pay cash, but in all reality, they can't get me in for 2-3 weeks, which will almost be March, so why not wait a couple more weeks and save some money. At that time I will be 14 weeks, so I hope that I can stay healthy and everything will be okay by then. Again, another worry I have. The funny thing is that the voice inside me says that everything will be okay.

 I got approximately 231 days to go. My due date is September 4th (my sisters birthday), but I want to have the baby on September 1st aka Labor day. Think about it, I will be in labor on Labor day...yeah, I'm cheesy that way, but we will see what happens.

I look forward to reaching week 9, well, I'm really excited to be out of this trimester. I hear the second trimester is easier and I like the sound of that. :)