Hmmm...

So this has been on my mind since the whole SEA fraternity outbreak that happened a couple of weeks ago. I’m not going to lie, I was a little giddy over the fact that they shut down a fraternity. No offense to the Greeks out there, but I can’t stand the Greek life, especially fraternities.

When I lived in Eugene, my apartment was surrounded by Abercrombie, Audi driving preppy boys that for some odd reason loved hanging out on the roof of their frat house listening to David Mathews Band (note: this was in the year 2000-2002).  This was just the daytime, but then there was the weekends, and by weekends, I mean starting Thursday night there was parties ALL THE TIME.

The one piece of advice that I actually listened to when I went straight to college out of high school was never go to a frat party. Why? Because I would get dated rapped. So I stayed away from the frats, even though I learned real quickly that partying was not my thing anyway. I mean really, have you been to a party and see someone wasted? They look like idiots and they put themselves in danger. I don’t want to look pathetic or get hurt.

Now I am not saying that EVERY frat guy is a sexual predator, but I can’t help but think that when I hear about frat guys. Although, at this point, I feel that all guys are sick pervs and it’s hard for me to respect men. Yeah, I know…totally feminist right now, but that’s how I’m seeing things right now because no man has proved me wrong yet.  

Anyway, I have mixed emotions on why the fraternity was shut down. Last time I checked, it was 2015, not 1950. There shouldn't be racism, but there is and there will always be racism. This is one thing I got out of my anthropology class back in the day. We talked about racism and I came to the realization that we will always judge others by the way they look and we will never be treated equal. Now, look at the news today or even just a TV show or song. Do you hear racism or judgment? YES! But life goes on as we know it. So why is this frat situation SO horrible that the University had to shut down a fraternity because they were drunken idiots chatting racist remarks behind closed doors?

Now, let’s get to the part where I am really confused. You have a University that shuts down a fraternity for racist remarks, but what about the girls that get rapped every weekend inside those fraternities? What about the illegal drugs and underage drinking that are used inside the fraternities? I’m guessing that is acceptable even though those are actually crimes.

When will protecting women’s safety be important? Look at the NFL. They are starting to get on the whole domestic violence and sexual assault campaign. Which I am glad, even though I kind of see it as fake because I think the NFL was feeling the pressure and they wanted to get the victim rights advocates off their back. I hope I am wrong because having men stand up for women’s rights is a huge step in trying to change oppression.

My wish is that one day women can feel safe and that violence against women will be taken seriously. Maybe one day an organization will be shut down because of a criminal act towards women. I can’t wait for that day. I will be really giddy then for sure!!!  

This is What I Do...

I find it a bit funny when people ask what I do for a living. I say “I work for MADD.” They have a surprised reaction, then they ask what I do for MADD. I explain that I am a victim specialist and I help victims with whatever they may need, i.e., criminal justice system, emotional support, referral to resources, facilitate support groups, VIPs, etc. Then it seems like they get weirded out and don’t know what to say because it usually gets awkward. Some say “I don’t know how you do it?” I’m like, okay…??? Someday when I’m feeling sassy, I will say “I don’t know how you ____(insert their lame job)” I get where they are coming from, but it kind of gets annoying because it makes me feel like I’m a freak for wanting to help people.

Being a victim advocate is hard and it’s not for everyone. We are a special group of people for sure. Not everyone can call someone who just lost a loved one the night before and have a conversation with them. Or assist someone who has survived a crash, but they struggle on a daily basis because they have flashbacks of their crash or they are disabled due to being injured. Or what is really hard is telling someone the realities of the criminal justice system. Yes, the drunk driver killed someone, but most likely they are only going to get probation because they will agree to a plea bargain.

Working with cases dealing with kids is especially hard for me. I know the realities of life and I know that one minute you’re alive and the next you could be dead. I have always been fearful of death, and this job has definitely magnified my fear of sudden loss. I try to make every moment count and try to be extra safe, especially in the car. Which I wish some other family members did the same.

I often question why I do what I do. I mean, my original major was journalism, which changed to criminal justice and not because I was interested in the topic. I too became a crime victim and wasn’t satisfied with the justice system. So I thought I could help change it or at least help victims who don’t know what to do after they have been involved with a crime. I guess that is what keeps me going. For some reason God sent me in this direction and until I’m called in another direction, it is what I am supposed to do.

I find it interesting the paths that God puts us on. All of these non-profit organizations have been created because someone became a victim of crime and they were not going to sit back and feel sorry for themselves for the rest of their life. They take action. They fight for justice. They take a negative situation and put it towards something positive. That is how MADD got started. That is how many of these other non-profits got started because they too have been a victim. Yesterday I met a woman who started a non-profit with her mom because she was shot and became paralyzed 20 years ago. She now helps disabled victims. If it wasn’t for her, there wouldn’t be a resource for some of my victims who are dealing with disability due to their injuries. There are some pretty fascinating stories and people in my field. You can’t get that working at a bank or McDonalds….

My Lucky Charm

Jonathan's first St. Patrick's Day. Love him more and more everyday.

Friends

Sometimes I wish life wasn’t so hard to figure out. It’s like a constant roller coaster that never stops. Life is just full of up’s and down’s. Lately, I’ve been more down. I don’t know if it’s because the last three months have been stressful due to our house fire and adjusting to the changes or if there is something going on that is bigger and deeper. Or maybe it’s the weather…it’s been pretty gloomy here, which is one of the main reasons why I don’t want to move back to Oregon.

Also, I’ve been questioning a lot of people these days. For example, we have some friends we have known for a long time. We have shared life together, so you would think those friends would share something exciting with us. Did they? No. We had to find out via Facebook…three months later. This doesn’t hurt as much as when I really opened up last year and shared really personal things. I felt good and felt like we bonded and our friendship grew closer, but ever since I took initiative to really open up (which is really hard for me to do), I got burned as this person hasn’t talked to me since. This is why I hate making friends sometimes.

This person has made me so mad and I hate how I have been so wrapped up about getting dissed by my “friend.” Obviously, I don’t need this in my life, but why is it so hard for me to get over it? I think the answer is that I just want a friend and I thought I found someone who could be that person, but obviously I was wrong.

Another thing that has been bothering me about people is that I feel like we (John and I) are constantly being judged. I think we are liked by many, but then I think we are segregated by some due to jealousy. It’s like, who can you trust these days? Apparently, not many.

I do appreciate those who are genuinely our friends. I hope you know who you are. I love how I can come to them and share my strengths, weaknesses and struggles. I have learned a lot from friends and I hope they learn from me (us) as well. Thank you to all of my new and old friends who have been there for me (us) and actually enjoy being friends. I hope that these friendships will grow bigger and better and that we will always accept one another for who we are, even if we may not agree on certain things.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” 
― Elbert Hubbard