Baby Burnout

I think my husband might have re-thought about having baby #2 after what I have been putting him through the last few days…or weeks. 

Week 32 and 33 (the last two weeks) of my pregnancy have most definitely been the hardest so far. I have struggled both mentally and physically and I am counting down the weeks until baby Lehr will be here.

Last week was hard. First, John had to go out of town for a business trip. This was his first trip in a year and a half and I had some anxiety because I hated when he traveled every other week when we first moved to Texas. Thankfully it was just overnight and in all honesty, I was so busy myself that it went by quick. Even though it was just overnight, you have to think differently when your 8.5 months pregnant and home alone. So, the dogs got to sleep with me instead of the laundry room and I set up extra security measures just in case (Home Alone style of course).

I also was having a lot of physical pain. My left side of my neck and shoulder has been kinked. It has been hard to move my neck and there was one time I was seeing flashes of light. I also had pain in my left side of my rib, which started a day or two after my neck pain. It hurt to twist, cough, laugh and to take a deep breath. The pain was so nagging, that it was starting to get to me and wear me down. By Thursday of last week I had enough and scheduled a massage on Friday to get some type of relief. The therapist said it’s just pregnancy related and besides doing stretches and massages, there isn’t anything I can do. Thankfully, that did help a little and even though I still have pain, it hasn’t been as bad.

I have noticed that I have been more tired, more like exhausted in this trimester. It really doesn’t matter if I sleep well, I’m still exhausted. I thought I knew what exhaustion felt like, but no, I didn’t know that there could be a whole different level of exhaustion. This makes going to work hard. I have no motivation and I’m a zombie at work (and everywhere else I go). Thankfully, people understand.

One thing that has been frustrating is that I can’t do things with ease like I could before I got pregnant. Like, sitting on the floor and getting up swiftly or going to multiple stores at a time and not feel like I ran a marathon. I’m starting to miss the good old days of having energy and being able to reach things without planning out a strategy.

Mentally, this all gets to you. I’m afraid I will never return back to “normal.” Which I know is not true, but what happens if my body forgets to deflate or I won’t be able to ever pick up things with ease? 

Also, baby talk is all we (family, friends, etc.) talk about. The last 8 months have been nothing but baby and the world has revolved around prepping for Baby Lehr. Now I’m like, okay, what about me? I have more going on than just having a baby and I feel like relationships have changed because of the baby, and I am not sure if they are for the better.

Also, we all know that kids change the relationship between your husband/wife. I think this is another area where you have no idea how it will change until it happens. This scares me because we already have been through so much, its like, great, what other things must we overcome? Then there is the anxiety of hoping that he isn’t traumatized by what he sees during labor and I'm afraid he will never look at my body the same again. How can droopy boobs, a big belly and stretch marks be attractive? 

What happens if I/we put so much effort on being great parents, we forget about being great spouses. We say that we won’t forget about us and to plan date nights, but we haven’t even had the baby yet and it’s already been about the baby. 

John says I worry to much, but I think it's important to be aware of what could happen instead of being naive. I can think of one thing John said when we were engaged that wouldn't be an issue when we got married and in my opinion it's been a major issue for me. So I'm trying to be aware of issues that could come up instead of being clueless.

I guess having baby burnout is common in the third trimester. I don't feel ashamed because I can't wait to have my sweet boy in my arms and I know it's going to be worth every stretch mark and varicose vein. I guess I would question myself if I didn't have these fears.

I know that God has something special in store and he will guide us through the good and the bad like he always has. We prayed for this baby and he delivered (pardon the pun, haha). I can't even begin to think what challenges that we will face as a family, a couple and individually. I just have to keep putting my faith in God and know that it's going to be ok and as long as God is number one in our lives, things will be ok no matter what the situation may be. 

Third Trimester: The Homestretch

Yesterday I hit my 33’rd week of pregnancy. Every week that I have known I have been pregnant (since week 5), I enjoy checking each week off the calendar. I feel like so far my pregnancy has been pretty easy for the most part. My first trimester complications were feeling super hungry and tired all the time. I didn’t have morning sickness and feel super yucky like some women feel. My second trimester was pretty good too. Again, hungry and tired were my main complaints, followed by heart burn, hip pain at night and swelling in the feet, however, I blame a lot of the heat for my swelling because since it got warm in March, that’s when the swelling began. No, pregnancy hasn’t been easy, but it hasn’t been a horrible experience either.  I consider myself pretty lucky because I know some women haven’t been so lucky.

Well, little did I know about the evils of the third trimester. Now every week I can “check off” is a huge relief! It’s like the day I went from my second to third trimester, my world changed…and it got really uncomfortable. I’ve said this before, but I will say it again, that no pregnancy book will prepare you for pregnancy. It’s kind of like the books sugar coat things. Yes, it will talk about fatigue, contractions, swelling, stretch marks, etc., etc., but you don’t really have a clue until you have experienced pregnancy first hand. The books won’t tell you that you will feel like you just ran a marathon after going to the grocery store or that you might break a shoe because your feet are so swollen. Or, you’re just feeling great and the next minute you’re puking in the toilet (in your third trimester). Or you have to change your underwear at least twice a day because you’re sweating like a pig or because you’re leaking different kinds of fluids. Or you develop weird rashes in weird places, like the armpit. Oh, and pregnancy brain. Can I get anymore brain dead? I feel like the biggest air head of all time. 

The third trimester has been the most challenging for me and I often think, how I am going to get through this, but the one thing I have enjoyed is how the baby moves differently. He really makes my belly move and he responds to me, dad and music. Also, seeing his sweet face a couple of weeks ago on a 3D sonogram helps me imagine what he looks like in there. I now really feel like I have a sweet baby inside instead of a strange unknown thing that’s draining the life out of me.  

I can’t believe in 4-7 weeks I will be holding my sweet baby Jonathan. Since last weekend when we attended our birthing preparedness class, I don’t have much anxiety about the big day. At first when I got to the class, I had nerves, but I left at the end of the day feeling pretty comfortable knowing the process, seeing the labor and delivery rooms and knowing that I will have a good coach (my hubby) by my side assisting me through my breathing helping me with whatever I may need.