Halloween Baby

Pictures property of Denise Lehr

Working Mom

It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve been back to work. The last three weeks have been miserable, although it’s slightly getting better (kind of). I had no idea that leaving my son with someone everyday was going to be so hard. It is nine hours a day that someone else gets to see his smiles, hear his coo’s, feeds him and give him hugs. I would do anything to still be on maternity leave so I can just spend all day with him and take care of my little boy.

Although being at work gives me a physical break, I still find myself unable to function like I should. Not only am I exhausted, but I notice myself looking at baby pictures throughout the day and daydreaming about my little love muffin.

I feel conflicted at what I am supposed to do with my life. I never really wanted to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to be the woman who can have a successful career and be a successful mom at the same time. I have pictured myself in a pressed business suit wearing heels with perfect hair and makeup and carrying a brief case in one hand and a baby in the other. But let’s face it, I hate wearing suits and heels, I haven’t done my hair and put on makeup for months and I don’t have a brief case.

I worked hard to get my degrees. I went to school to make a difference in people’s lives, which I do. I just got an email from a victim saying how she is glad she met me as she is grieving her husband’s death. But what she doesn’t know, is that I am in tears because my job is hard and it is hard to hear stories about how their loved one has been killed so suddenly to a senseless crime. When 2 out of 3 individuals are impacted by drunk driving, the next victim could be my son or husband. There are some days where these stories don’t put me to tears, but then there are days like today where I can’t stop crying because a family is grieving the loss of their great husband, dad and grandpa all because a woman who was high on cocaine and Xanax ran a stop sign.

A few weeks ago at church, there was a message about being in your place. For whatever reason, God has me as a working mom and helping victims. This helps and puts me at ease, but it still doesn’t make dropping Jonathan off at daycare any easier. The ideal situation would be working from home or working part time in an office and part time at home. That would be amazing, but right now that is not in the cards. Maybe one day my wish can be a reality.

For those working mom’s out there, how do you deal being gone from your kids while at work?