Well, I did it. I finished my first year of grad school! This time next year, I will be graduating and also preparing to move (hopefully somewhere warmer and not as rainy!!!). This last year has been interesting to say the least. I have learned a lot, not only about conflict resolution, but about myself too. I've also have been re-reminded that being shy and quiet, sucks.
Since moving to Portland 3 years ago, I have been in my shell that I can't get out of. The move really got to me. I moved away from family, friends and from a job that I enjoyed and where I had confidence and really felt like I was good at something. Even though I have lived here for 3 years, I'm still adjusting...and still trying to get out of my shell. I hate being in this shell. Seriously!
It makes it even harder when my husband who is a "chatty Kathy" and is able to get all of these opportunities because he socializes and get's out there. I admit, I get jealous because I want opportunities too, but I have a hard time getting out there. I've been cursed by the shy bug my whole life, and my whole life I have been watching from the sidelines and that's no fun. Problem is, I don't know how to get out and achieve things for myself. I think some of it is fear. In the past, when I have been more outgoing, I got hurt in many ways and lost trust in a lot of people. I'm afraid that if I get out there, I will get hurt again. Isn't that pathetic?
With being in grad school, I've slowly been able to get out there, but it's still hard. Especially when I feel like no one likes me. I look forward to this time next year, not only because I will be achieving a Master's degree, but next school year will be very different and I'm having to get out there. I recently been accepted to the Insight Development Group (for my practicum), which is where I will be going to a prison once a week and leading facilitation's with inmates who have committed all types of crime, such as murder, sexual assault, robbery, drugs, etc. I am scared to death. Not because of being with inmates, but because I have to talk in front of these people! But I think this experience will be good for me in a lot of different ways. I just hope eventually I will be able to climb out of my shell and be who I want to be.
I use to be shy. I was a social hermit – so I didn’t consider being shy a problem. That started to change when I was about 27. I bought my own home and was working. At my job I had to give a lecture once a week and that was horrible!! At my next job I also had to speak in front of groups. Again – horrible. It was something I never wanted to do but the jobs I’ve had require it. Over time I got used to it and I can do it easily now.
ReplyDeleteNow if you were a social hermit like me you wouldn’t see shyness as a problem. So what to do? Act as if. ..
Actually that was one of my lectures: Act as if… Act as if you had confidence, act as if you had… (fill in the blank). Force yourself to the behavior you want – and eventually it will become yours. This does work. Does it feel normal? Nope. Will others be able to tell if you’re acting? Generally, no. Is this being phony? NO. You’re training yourself.
Shape your behaviors first and the emotions will follow after.
Watch John. How does he do it? Watch how he walks into a room of people. Study him, watch his movements, his face, his posture.
See yourself as your own social experiment. Over time it can change with practice.
Thanks. I shall do that. I use to make presentations all the time for work. So I know I can get back into the swing of things.
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