True Joy

Since the beginning of January, we have been talking about True Joy while studying the book of Philippians at church. Our Pastor has done a great job every Sunday analyzing and preaching the letter that Paul wrote. I have gotten a lot out of this book and it seems as if every Sunday, our pastor says the things that I need to hear.

Last week really hit me. Lately, I have been questioning..or thinking about the kind of people I want in my life. Who are my role models? Am I surrounding myself with people that bring me joy? The answer to this is yes...and no. I don't really have any quality Godly role models. I do have some, but not enough. At least none that I interact with on a regular basis. I feel that it's important to surround yourself with Godly role models and I hope that I can find some. For me to be the woman I am called to be, requires me to know these people. I'm not talking about the "Christians" that are only "Christians" on Sundays...I'm talking about true, Godly people. Unfortunately, these people are hard to find. So I guess from this point on, I have to pray that God will help me find the people I'm seeking. I know he wants the best for me, so I am not too worried that I won't find any role models.

In regards to being surrounded with people that bring me joy, this is tough. Of course I have a handful of wonderful people in my life, but I have to be honest...there are some people in my life lately that have been completely awful to me.  And get this, there are suppose to be my "family." Yep, family. Of all the people in my life, I would never expect to be treated like rubbish by family members. This is where it get's tough. In church, I'm taught to surround myself with great people, but what do you do with family members that treat you like dirt?

I am very hurt by these individuals who have treated me so poorly. I don't even know what I did to deserve this kind of treatment. I am a hard working person, that doesn't do drugs, party, get in trouble, etc. I take care of my husband, our home, our dogs, go to school and work. I do the very best I can in life and I've been told by my parents and my husband that they are proud of me. I feel like I am a target with these individuals. Why? I don't know.

The worst thing is that I am so hurt by the way I've been treated, but it seems that my feelings are minimized by others and it's not that big of a deal that I received this treatment. Or that I can't really say anything because it causes conflict. So I pretty much have to bottle things up and get treated like a doormat. It's so frustrating!  I just want to scream! It's not okay for them to do this to me..and my little family. But of course, they will get way with it..and my feelings will be brushed aside, just to save a little conflict. Meanwhile my blood pressure is sky high because I'm so ANGRY. Yes, ANGRY with these people. I know I said hurt before, but I'm ANGRY.

At this point, I am not sure what I am going to do with these people. My main priority is surrounding myself with people that are Godly role models, that brings me joy and people I love the most. This situation is really in God's hands and I know God will take care of the people that have treated me un-Godly.