Take Care

It's hard being a grown up. Life seemed so much easier when I was a kid, and I often times miss my carefree days just playing and having fun. I've been an adult for 10 years now and it's hard now and then to be that adult that takes care of others, pays bills, works, goes to school, cook, clean, etc. As a woman that is a giver (at least in my eyes I am), it's honestly taken a toll on me. Lately, I feel like I am sinking in this mass ocean called life. I've come to realize that I don't take care of myself. Which, is not an uncommon thing that many wives to do. Why is that? Why don't we take time for ourselves?

My goal over spring break is to come up with ways to take care of myself and realize it's okay that dinner doesn't have to be ready when John walks in the door (not that he has complained one way or the other) or that if I don't get to the dishes one night, that's okay too. I've also put a lot of pressure on myself in regards to school. I'm in graduate school. In my program, we can't get a grade lower than a B-. I've never really had too much of a problem getting good grades, but to me, it's just that added pressure that drives me crazy. Last term I got all A's, so now, I feel like I have to get all A's for the duration on my graduate school career. Is this a little crazy for me to be thinking this? Probably. I have come to the point what I have complete anxiety about grades. Stupid, I know...especially when I know I am going to do great. And if I get a B, it's not the end of the world..right?

Ugh!

Anyway, back to taking care of myself. I've been thinking of ways on how to do this. It's a hard thing to do...and it's hard to think of things that will utterly bring me the zen that I need. My naturopath doctor has ordered me to take epsom salt baths. This is mostly for my headaches and my body aches, plus I also get me time. But I'm not always able to get baths scheduled every night. I really need to try harder at this though.

Dance is something that brings me joy. I love to dance. I haven't done it for a while and I really miss it. Thankfully I was actually able to find a ballet class that will actually fit into my schedule! I'm so excited about finally getting back into dancing. I start in a couple of weeks.

Fitness is another area I desperately need to focus on. I have gained some pounds since I've been married and I've noticed it's taking a toll on my health. I've been working out more at school, but I really need to be strict on my workout plan. Again...sometimes it's hard to stay motivated.

My diet is very important for me to follow. In October I found out that I had a food allergy to dairy as well as sugar. When I eat dairy, I feel awful. It's really hard not to eat dairy. Dairy is everywhere! I feel overwhelmed by this lifestyle change...but it's vital for me to stay strict because my health depends on it!

Lastly, I need a social life. Since moving to Portland 3 years ago, I haven't really had a social life. I really miss having friends, but since the move, I have gone into my shell and it's really hard for me to come out of my shell. I am scared. Why? Because I have a hard time trusting people. The last time I made friends, they turned out to be not very good people. Portland is different. It's very liberal and not very Christian. I feel like an outsider most of the time, therefore it's hard to make friends. But I know that I have to reach out and meet nice christian women who are a good influence on me. At this point, I have someone in mind to reach out to, but I'm still thinking about my plan of attack. :)

In a way, I am disappointed in myself that I let myself get to this point in life, but I know that I'm not perfect and I believe God is working in me and that this is his plan. I will succeed.