To Teach or Not to Teach

Is it Friday yet?!? Ugh. I am exhausted and it is only Monday. I still haven't recuperated from last week. Last week was my first week teaching and I can tell I am out of "shape." I haven't taught since June, so I guess sitting in my cubical the last two months really screwed me up. My feet have been killing me since last Monday. My feet have been swollen and feel like they are bruised. What makes it worse is that on Saturday I went to try on some beautiful shoes at Target and I couldn't get the shoe to fit on the right foot! Sad. 

Here in a couple of weeks I should be back in "shape." I just can't wait until that day comes where I don't come home exhausted and pass out on the couch. It makes doing night time chores so hard when you can't move. 

Something I have been debating  for the last year is whether to get my teaching license. I feel so natural teaching, but the thought of going back to school makes me sick. I am still procrastinating my masters degree when all I really have to do is write 5ish or so more pages to my thesis and that is it. I am super burned out on school and that is why I cant figure out if I want to get my teaching license. But the thought of having summers and holidays off sounds nice. :) The only thing I can do is pray about it at this point. So we will see what happens. :)

Have you ever been confused as to what you want to do for your career? I have so many ideas and really wanting to get started with my career, but I feel like there are barriers that keep me from doing what  really love. I guess I have to be patient because I know that God wouldn't have allowed me to go through all of this schooling for nothing. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Making a Difference..in 'Da Hood

Phew. What a week. I am so glad its the weekend, a long weekend to be exact. I could use the extra R&R. I have been busy, mostly at work by getting trained with the new curriculum that I will be teaching, meeting the teachers I will be with this semester and mentally preparing for what is a head of me.

For those of you who don't know what I do, I am a prevention specialist at a non-profit agency and I mostly work with 6th graders in the Fort Worth school district. I go to 4 different schools Monday through Thursday every week and talk about their future goals, communication styles, bullying, drugs, alcohol, etc. The purpose is to delay or prevent kids in engage in any risky behavior and hope they will be able to achieve their goals and do something great with their lives instead of living a life of abuse and spending time in prison.

This will be my first semester having 4 schools on my own. Last semester when I was new to the job, I only had 1 school and shadowed the other 3 with my other co-workers at their schools. I have already had my wake up call. I am used to working with kids who have normal-ish lives, if that makes sense. The kids I work with now are inner-city kids. For some, you know what I am talking about, but to others, you may have an idea, but until you have worked with this population, you have no idea.

I often reference myself as Hillary Swank in the movie Freedom Writers. If you haven't seen the movie, its a movie about a white teacher teaching hard core African American and Hispanic high school kids and making a difference in their lives. That's me, except my kids are hard core 6th graders. When I was in 6th grade, I didn't know much about the real world or adult situations. These kids sadly know too much and have to experience things they shouldn't, especially at their age.

I have a love-hate relationship with my job. These kids drive me crazy, but I also know that these kids need some TLC. I can't get mad at these kids, because they don't know any better. For them, having a visit from CPS, seeing abuse in the home and fighting is normal. It is sad that they think violence is how you solve a problem and that having a baby at 16 is acceptable because that's the age their mom had them.

I am really nervous about the school year starting (I start September 9th). I know I am in this position for a reason and I hope that I can make a difference in these kids lives. I know that I will learn from them just as much as they will learn from me. So if you have any tips on classroom management or just working with at-risk kids, let me know.

Sister Time

Last Sunday instead of complaining about how fast John usually drives, this time I was telling him to hurry up as we were headed to the airport to pick up my sister who was coming to visit us from Oregon. I hadn't seen her in a year and I have been "sister sick," so I was really excited to see her and spend a whole week with her.

Last week was so fun. We went shopping, swimming, went to the zoo, watched movies, she did my hair and talked about life. We definitely got to have quality time together and I realized how similar we were. Usually I think I am the only one that makes odd sounding hiccups or laughs at their weirdest things, but now I know that my sister does the same thing. Its like I have discovered that I am not alone in my weirdness. Its refreshing. 

The day I was dreading came. Friday morning I had to take her to the airport  before I went to work. I have a love-hate relationship with airports, especially DFW because I have cried so many tears there in the last year because someone I love is leaving or I am (temporary) leaving them.  I told myself I had to keep it  together, which I did (sort of). I gave my sister a hug and then lost it when I saw her enter the airport and went up the escalator. In fact, I have been a mess the last four days because I didn't want to see her go and I wish she was still here.

I wish that she was living in Texas and we could see each other more. I know Texas is not the best place in the world. Believe me, I wish I lived on the West Coast, like California where there is palm trees and beaches, but that's another story (and I will eventually make it to Cali one day:) I have talked her ear off about it and while she was here, I told her how "glamorous" Texas was (HA!) and tried to introduce her to cute guys. :)

I want nothing but the best for her. She deserves nothing but the best and she deserves to be treated like a queen. Though we are nine years apart and at age 22, I know that its hard to move half way across the country to live with an old (31) year old big sister that is boring and has 3 crazy dogs and a husband. :) But big sisters know best, right?!? 

So we will see what happens. I just hope she had as much fun as I did and I hope she misses me too. I can't wait to see her in a couple of months, especially on our Christmas cruise!:)

This is us being crazy and weird. Love it!

Friday

It's Friday!!!! I didn't think this day would ever come. It has been a hard, long week. A week full of trainings and sitting all day long. I am not a sitter. I don't know how people can sit behind a desk 8 hours a day. As a teacher, you rarely get to sit down and so, I am just used to being on my feet majority of the time. So my body feels out of wack from sitting so much this week. Oh, and doing taekwondo makes me super sore, so you can probably imagine how my body feels. I could use a good  massage. :) 

One thing I am looking forward to is that my sister is coming to visit on Sunday! I can't wait. I haven't seen her in a year. Unbelieveable. How can that be? I hope that next year I will be able to visit with her more. It has been hard living away from family. I am thankful for Skype, social media, cell phones, email, etc that allows us to communicate with eacher other. 

Well, I don't have a lot of things to say this week. I just wanted to get words out. Plus, no one  really reads this anyway, so I shouldn't stress. 

                                 

Hearing Double

"Prepare for twins..." is something I heard whispered in my head not too long ago. Since then, I've seen countless pairs of twins, equipment for twins, articles about twins and seeing doubleon the clock, i.e. 11:11, 12:12, 2:22, etc.

Now, I believe God speaks to us in interesting ways. For example, before I met my husband (John), it seemed that every guy I met at work or school was named John. Before we moved to Texas, I kept hearing about Texas and sure enough, we moved to Texas a few months later. So you can probably understand when I heard about the voice telling me to prepare for twins caught my attention. :)

Obviously I don't know what the future holds. I/we feel ready to start the next chapter in our lives...kids. We have been together for 8 years and married for 7 years and have the bulk of our education out of the way and financially able to bring in a little one (or two).

I can't wait to be a mom, but yet nervous and scared, especially since now we are at that point of really trying for one. Last year when we were "seeing what happens," I really stressed out and got disappointed every month the test said negative. Then I would get to thinking that there was something wrong with me, even though the doctor said I looked good and healthy. I actually welcomed the forced break we took this year because of the cruise we are taking in December and you can't be in your third trimester or bring a baby on board while crusing.

It seems that getting pregnant is harder than our health teachers in high school lead on. It also seems like the most stressful thing...ever. I have heard so many horrible things about pregnancy and the worries that come with being pregnant. Though I appreciate hearing other peoples experiences, the stories are becoming overwhelming and make me even more stressed about the process.  I am now worried about having a miscarriage, bleeding, ripping, my baby having 3 eyes and 2 toes...the list  goes on and on. 

This time around, I am going to really let God in control. I feel that if I wasn't meant to be a mom, then God wouldn't have given me the desire to be a mom. I know God will protect me and my baby and that I don't need to fear. 

So, now we wait. It could be this month, next month or a year  from now. I am really excited and I know John is too. Keep us in our prayers. 

Faith As A Mustard Seed

Have you ever been confused about  your life? Lost motivation and do not know where you are heading? Yeah, me too! The last few months for me have been hard. I have been fighting life. It seems as nothing is working out and I have to fight every minute just to make it through the day. I have been battling anger, depression, stress and anxiety. It has not been fun and I often feel like there is something wrong with me because I can't get out of this funk. I am usually good about pin pointing the real trigger, but so far I have nothing. 

So what is causing this big stir inside of me? 

Could it be all of the change that has happened in the last year and it has caught up to me? Is it because I felt like I was screwed over in grad school and had to put off graduating for the second time? Or is it because I am homesick and whenever I see or talk to my family, I am reminded that I really do have parents and a sister and they are more than just a photo on Facebook or a voice on the phone. 

Even though these past few months have been hard, I know that for whatever reason, there is some good that will come out of it. Maybe I am meant to deal with some terrible things that have happened to me in the past and even though I thought I have dealt with it, maybe I haven't to the full extent. Or maybe its a wake up call to really do self care and to take life my slowly, as I am a very impatient person. :) 

Whatever it is, "if you have a faith as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you" Matthew 17:20. I am confident that God will help me work through these tough days and that I will be able to overcome these challenges.