Why Texas?

Why Texas? This is a question I keep asking myself more and more these days, especially since coming back from Oregon last week.

3 years ago we packed up our stuff and moved from Portland to Texas because John got a job right out of grad school that was too good to pass up. We had no hesitations moving here. It just seemed right. At first I really liked Texas. It was warm, it was sunny and it didn’t rain every day. There was a lot of stuff to do too. There was no reason not to love living in Texas. That feeling quickly went away about a year after we got here.

Reality kicks in every time we go back to Oregon to visit. Reality kicks in when family comes to visit us. I’ve gotten to the point where I dread going back home to visit because I know the entire time I will be heart broken and question why we don’t live near our friends and family.

I had some comfort after our house fire in December when we had no home for a week. Here was the opportunity to go wherever we wanted since we were homeless, but God quickly helped us find a home to lease within a week. We signed a 2 year lease and I felt God really directing our path. I thought to myself, ok, we have at least 2 more years in Texas. I was fine with that, but for some reason, my mind still questions why we live in Texas.

Last week we spent some time in California and Oregon. The moment we landed in Oakland, I got tears in my eyes. I knew right then I was going to have a tough time being home. The next day when we woke up, it was sunny and I saw palm trees. The air was amazing. I could actually breathe!! I was back in a familiar territory. I have a fascination with the bay area. I always have been since I was 14 and have always said that one day I would live there.

Seeing family is always great, but it also breaks my heart. It’s even worse now that we have a son. I don’t think it is fair that my son can’t see his family all the time. I also don’t think we should have to split time with family when we visit. It’s just stupid. It shouldn’t be that way. I don’t like it.

Another bummer about our vacation was that my son got bad allergies. I was hoping that the fresh air would actually help my son with his allergies, but it got worse. He didn’t sleep, he was fussy and I felt like I was a brand new mother all over again. Mid way through our vacation, I couldn’t wait to get back to Texas because he would have his own bed and be in his own environment. This thought made me more confused. Was God trying to tell me something and hint that Texas isn’t that bad? Ugh.

I’m trying to give Texas another chance. In the last 3 years, we have gone from food stamps, to buying all the food we want. We have gone from a small apartment to a 2 story house. Working at a part time job and now working for one of the top non-profits in the country. We have friends and have church. Plus John and I are stronger than ever and we went from a family of 2 to a family of 3. With all of the good things that have come out of living in Texas, how could I not like it here?

Have you been in a similar situation? How have you dealt with it? What brought you peace?